Pinteresting

For those of you who are not on pinterest, or do not follow me,I will be blogging here abt some of the fun & interesting ideas I've found on pinterest.

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Getting it together

Today is my daughter's first birthday. The year is half over and what do I have to report on my "year of liz"? Well, not a whole lot of anything really. I did sit down tonight with a sheet of paper and work out the budget. And we're sticking to it this time if it kills us, dammit. I am so sick of worrying about if the bills got paid that I'm finally going to grow up and take responsibility for them myself. I know what you're thinking. I am an adult and should have been responsible all along. I wasn't irresponsible. I was misled to believing that things had already been taken care of. Lesson learned. Isn't that what life is about? Learning things? So now that I know better I can move on. Maybe this time around I can start saving again too.

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Downwardly Spiraling Uncontrolably

Since my last personal post, my life has taken a tailspin. Chaos was less chaotic than my life right now. M won't be home now til the end of May or early June. He has writtwn me twice now. I wrote back, but still haven't gotten it out in the mail yet. I still don't have my debit card, i'm hoping it comes today. My friend in Pittsburg has been distant, so I don't know what's going on there anymore. I'm sure he's just busy with life, as I've been, but I wish we would talk more. Since I last wrote, I've met someone new. Things have been amazing. We've been together every night since we've met and I just can't get enough. He's been trying to take care of me,which is a welcome change. Not that M didn't take care of me, it just seems I was more the giver than the receiver in that. As the household stands right now, the electric and water are nonexistent, the dog is destroying everything still, the cat needs to go to the vet, my car is falling apart and needs new brakes.. I think that covers everything that's happening here. Oh, one more thing, I think I have a bladder infection too. So much for this being the year of Liz..guess there's always next year.

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Why complain about things you can change?

My cousin's girlfriend has repeatedly been complaining that someone's doing laundry at night or early in the morning is disrupting her infant son's sleep pattern. Is it just me, or wouldn't it be logical to move the child to a room not next to the washer? Obviously you knew there was a washer there if it is as loud as you claim. So why would you choose that room for your infant son? In defense of the people doing their laundry, normal people work during the day. We don't have the luxury of staying home to play house all day. Sometimes I don't get to do my laundry til after midnight cuz of my schedule. Other times I might have the day off and get up early to do my laundry and vacuuuming. Yet my daughter sleeps through all of it. Even when I vacuum her room. So I don't really understand what the problem is. Maybe she should get out of the house and stop baby-ing the child. I think they both need a break from each other. I can tell he's going to be one needy, spoiled brat when he gets older. I should know, I was the same way.

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Confusion

I know we've both had a lot going on, but I'm trying to get it together. I want so badly for things to work out that I'm afraid of screwing everything up. Lately I don't know how to read his moods and I don't want to take everything personally. I'm ecstatic that we're finally getting our chance we missed out on all those years ago, I hope he still feels the same way. Its hard trying to be patient after all this time and anticipating the moment we'd find each other again. I'm trying really hard though because I know he's busy with his own life, trying to get his bar going and getting things back together. Hell, for all I know, he's busy making room for me as well. We'll see.

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Pittsburg dreaming..

What an unbelievable week this has been! Someone from my past has resurfaced and found me again, so I have been on cloud 9 since Friday. It is so unbelievable to be talking to him again, like nothing has changed! I feel like I'm 22 again and dreaming of the possibilities. May even be considering relocating. He reminded me how I wanted to pursue art school out there and we could entertain the thought of finally being together. He had it all planned out, even a place for me to stay while I was at school..until we decided we were going to be together that is. I think I'm in love! This will be an incredible journey if it continues this way! <3

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Alone

Last night I spent my first night truly alone..no one here, no one to talk to, no real clue to what's going on. M got arrested, but I'm still not certain why. I've been given two different stories now and neither one makes much sense. I spent half the night trying to find my daughter, worried sick cuz I had no clue what was going on. Scared to death cuz I couldn't find her. I finally came home, defeated and exhausted. Not sure how long I actually slept but I got up around 6:30 to go out looking for her again. What kind of mother must I be to not know where her baby is? So I went back to the address I had been given, still no answer. Drove to M's work and ran into his boss. I had the dog with me too cuz I was so lonely. Boss man took me to his daughter's house, she called me on the way and I got my baby back. No, I'm still not okay with what happened, may never be ok. I was so terrified that I'd lost her forever. I never want to let her out of my sight again..I know that isn't possible though. Life will go on. Now l just wish I knew what is going on with M...

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Maturity

Why is it that somedays I feel ridiculously old and wise beyond my years, yet other days I feel very immature and irresponsible? I try to be resonsible and "grown-up" every day, but a lot of times it escapes me. I think I've been taking on too much. I forget schedules, appointments and other stuff, and I'm tired all the time. Even at work, most of the time I don't feel like doing a damn thing, but I do cuz it's how I was raised - to be a responsible individual. I'm getting tired of being responsible. I'm tired of feeling like the only one who gives a damn, the only one who does anything. At least as far as work goes, I'm only responsible for me now, not a couple dozen other people. It's a huge relief. Now if only I could get my personal life together as well as my professional life is. This is the year it is going to happen. I can feel it. I also know I need to keep this positive thinking in order to find success. Everything will work out in the end if I learn to stay positive.

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Wednesday Ramblings

Woke up late this morning. What? Did you expect something different? So I took C with me to my chiropractor appointment. She must have thought he was hurting me or was just cranky in general cuz she wouldn't stop fussing. I know her teeth are hurting her too. It must be hard being so little and having to deal with so much pain. I wish I could spend more time with my children and get to know them better.then maybe I could tell better what is bothering her.

So now I am home and started cleaning the house again. It's very discouraging not having a place to put everything. I can't wash anything today either..the pipe to the washer is broken, it won't fill with water. I was hoping Michael would have gotten someone to fix it by now. But then again, the window in the kitchen still needs replaced. I won't hold my breath. Maybe someone else will come take care of it for me.

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This is not a drive-by..

Well maybe it is just a little. I have nothing intersting to write about this morning. Train has been stuck in my head for several days. And I wouldn't mind being alone in a room with Pat Monahan (and Adam Levine of course). You would think that would be amazing but I'm so not outgoing or forward in any manner toward people I don't know. It would be incredibly awkward. Even so, at least I could say I was there.

#train #patmonahan #adamlevine #maroon5 <3

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Guidelines

Since i've already decided to put my life out there for the world to read about, I have to give myself some basic rules to abide by.

  1. I promise to never complain about my job on here, for fear of getting Dooced. For all I know, the upper management finds me "interesting" and have been stalking me online for years.

  2. I promise that if I talk about loved ones, especially my children, I will keep their identities known only by initials. Despite the differences I have with most of my family, I do still have respect for them and do not wish to offend or embarrass.

I admire those mothers who are fortunate enough to be able to afford to stay at home with their children. On one hand I am hoping that writing this blog will also allow me that luxury, or at the very least give me an outlet for my energy. While I want desperately to not have to work a traditional job to support my family, I more desperately want my family to want for nothing. My angels mean the world to me and I feel blessed to have the responsibility of making them into great human beings. If anyone has advice on how I can turn this writing hobby into a career, I would be appreciative. (Sn: Dooce and AnneMade are my role models..I really admire you guys)

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New year, new bean.

so my world turned upside down again. this time it's a bit more drastic than usual so I'm starting my blog over. This is a new year,there is a new bean in town. And I am trying to be happy about it. The end of last year was incredibly stressful on me so I decided I need to make some changes. Work was ridiculous with the amount they were asking of me,and not offering much (if any) help,so first I gave up my position. At the time I felt it was either step down or get fired so I took the safe choice that at least allows me to provide for my family. Speaking of family, things have changed there as well. Right now I would rather not get into details, but M and I are taking a break. That's all I can say about that. Chase is still alive and well, despite trying to maul me more than once. And Mr. Lucas has returned to our happy household. Things are looking up,but I know I have a very long road ahead of me. Someday I hope to look back and appreciate the struggles that will get me ahead in life.

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